Broken Perseverance

     Going into the situation I knew a few possible choices of what action I could choose and thus what outcome could occur, since I had been practicing corner kicks in soccer for about ten years. Depending on the speed and the height of the ball when kicked, I could run in and head it into the goal, use my foot to trap it and shoot, or simply allow it to whizz by if it were simpler for a teammate behind me to possibly score. Soon the ball was kicked and neither option happened. The ball had gone out of bounds. So we practiced it three more times, with the last time me choosing the option of going in with my right foot to one-touch it into the goal. Unfortunately I forgot to mention that there is a goalie guarding the goal, and she also has options. For this last corner kick—the last because of the combinations between the two options that the goalie and I picked—the goalie, Becca, decided to go out one hundred percent to get the ball, as she should do. We soon collided. And the pain slicing through my lower leg down to my ankle was unbearable for me. All that I wanted in that moment was the pain to stop. I did not care about homework, tomorrow’s schedule, or if Becca got hurt more than I. At the hospital, I found out that I broke my ankle and fibula. And shortly after, my perseverance began to subconsciously dwindle. Through such simple actions my thoughts for playing soccer my freshman year in college disappeared in a flash. I knew that next season I would still have potential to play, but in this present time, all I could do was ask God why He allowed this to happen, why He would let someone who already trusts Him get hurt. I was beyond regret at this point and demanded to know what the near future held for me while I was in this condition. I pushed away the consideration that any beauty could come from this and only wanted things to go back to normal.

            Right after surgery I talked to my parents, telling them that everything was fine and that the surgery went well. They said that they would call the preacher so that he could get people in my church to start praying for me. My soccer coach was along side of me for much of the time while I was in the hospital, filling people in at the college what had happened to me so that they could pray for me also. As soon as the word started to get out, I received many text messages and Facebook comments from close friends asking how I was, saying that they were praying for me, and not to give up. I listened and believed along the surface of my thoughts, but deeper I still had not resolved the anger between myself and God. It was silly how I was glad and thankful for so many people praying for me, but that I personally had not fully committed my heart and time to settle down and sacrifice my problems to God. This action of not acting caused me to become stagnant in my faith. With the surgery forty-eight hours in my past, I had asked for my Bible and devotional journal and yet had not read nor written. I yearned to eat food, but it did not satisfy what was missing. I would try to stay awake to do homework, but because of the medicine and continuous frustration I would reluctantly go to sleep. I kept telling myself that everything will be okay, but pushing my doubt to the back where they sat and started to inflate. I would type to my friends, “I’m doing okay, to be honest”, but in reality I was only lying to myself and was slowly becoming depressed. Perhaps that was the problem; I was only “okay”. Getting hurt had caused me to become insensitive to many everyday aspects around me, and unfortunately, it also involved becoming insensitive to God.

              To commit to God I had to first realize what the problem was, and lying to me made that tricky to accomplish. It was only through time’s passing that I began to realize what was wrong with me, with which I now understand that patience is required to any sort of fallen state of the soul—as much as I’d hate to admit. It was hard to get back on track; to squeeze through that narrow road because becoming indifferent caused me to wonder what action I should take, if I should take any action at all. Consequently, I did what many have done before me: I cried. I cried because I was lost beside the only road that I knew to take and yet somehow could not get back on. I cried because the fire that had been lit inside my soul had now become dimmed down to a constant glow. I cried because I was crying. And I cried because I wanted to feel God’s love again. Unfortunately, I knew that all of this was my own doing. Not that I could have chosen to not get hurt, but that I could have stayed closer to what, and more importantly who, I know is eternally true.   

            So I confessed to God that our relationship had been hurt. The next step was to try to get back on track. What better response to do than to read the Bible? (Yet again, I did so grudgingly.) Deciding for a night that the book of Psalm would be a good read, I randomly flipped, and arrived at Psalm 121. What provoked me to become immediately comforted was verse three that read, “He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber.” No matter how tired I have been or will become, my God is stronger and able to stay awake to watch over and guide me. Trust is important when in a relationship with God, because when you trust, amazing moments can occur. For example, two days later I was following up on my devotional reading that consisted of starting at Galatians and have working my way into Hebrews. That night I read Hebrews 5:11-6:12, with the title of “Warning Against Falling Away”. The next night I read Hebrews 6:13-20, with the title of “The Certainty of God’s Promise”. The timing of each section could not have been clearer. In fact, I could base my problems chronologically with these titles: First, I fell away, and then I had to remember God’s promise. Once I softened my heart to not discourage the knowledge of his never ending love, I started noticing—or perhaps that God starting showing—acts of spiritual love. Such a case would be when I posted a status on Sunday on Facebook about the miraculous timing that God portrays. Then, about four hours later, my loving Christian friend Mary comments that she had prayed for me the night before, possibly right when I was reading in Hebrews. In continuation with such happenstances, my phone sometimes refuses to receive text messages, sometimes a week at a time, and yet the next day, Monday, I hear a ring from my phone and surprisingly see that Mary had text me a passage from the Bible, Matthew 11:28-30 that discusses the call to be rejuvenated with Christ. How can I deny that He exist and wants me to persevere?

 I have been hurt physically, but I know that I now have to accept that this is the plan for my life thus far spiritually and emotionally—although my human side of me, given that I do believe in miracles, still secretly wishes that with all of this praying I will be able to sprint joyfully out of bed in a week. I endure the sharp spurts of pain rising from the bottom of my foot, and dread the patience that I will need when it comes time to do therapy, which is almost worst, tempting if you will, in the fact that I am close to being able to run and make cuts on the field, but unable to due to long term effects. Yet I still remember that God is there for me with a purpose in store, as Romans 8:18-30 so beautifully tells (another passage that I stumbled upon at “random” while in misery). I still do not know why I had to get hurt. But there are two things that I have branded in my mind: God will turn this into something greater (perhaps this injury has humbled me) and God wants me to persevere with confidence and fullness in faith.

No one's Perfect...

To be honest, I have never liked playing with the rubix cube. Maybe it's because I've never finished one and the furthest I’ve gotten was when each side had all of the same color except one square on that side. (I have finished a triangle one…that was weird, never seen one like it…) It's kind of funny, when first working on the cube I feel so smart and I am determined to finish it and I vow that will be the last time that I will work on it because I will  “overcome the cube”. Plus it looks cool, with all of the colors and how it moves. But winning never happens. I guess I could look up hints on the internet of how to finish it, but that feels like cheating, and even so I am sort of too lazy to get around to looking up for the help. So instead I continue to pretend to feel comfortable with trying time after time to finish the rubix cube and never succeeding, while in my head I become so frustrated and want to quit.
            Personally the same can be said with my life. I seem to time and time again fail, rise up with strength, which soon deflates, and I become discouraged and fail again. It’s a continuous circle. I guess I could find help. Maybe by reading the Bible, but that becomes almost like a chore. I could ask others for aid, but to be frank some of my problems aren’t that bad and someone might judge me and accuse me of complaining. So in conclusion it makes me want to do this:

Find a huge mud pit and fall on my knees and then fall smack down with my face in the mud until my God comes. I would wish for Him to then pick me up, clean off my face, look me in the eyes and say, “You know what, you’re alright. How you are right now is great for me—I can use you and love you this way. Don’t do anymore to change for now except to accept me as I accept you.”

So as I lay with mud seeping over me while playing with my rubix cube, I come to realize something. No matter how hard I try, I will never be perfect without Christ. End of story.

…Now. The reason why we cannot become perfect on earth is because this would deem Christ’s gift void while also succeeding to ultimately amount to the power of God—becoming a god. And there is only one God (hence the reason why He becomes jealous when we see it otherwise Exodus 20:3-6).

            But I’ve already accepted Christ. Great!

            And yet I still feel like I need to amount up to something.

            So get ready.

            Have you accepted Christ, tolerating him and just believing that he existed, or are you living in him and have a relationship with God through Christ?

            You need to fully let him into your life! Look at Romans 12:1-2:

A Living Sacrifice

¹ Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. ² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Become a living sacrifice and remember grace (Romans 11:5-6).

            Did he save you and is thus your Savior or are you still trying to save yourself and after all you can do you then accept Christ to get to heaven?

            You must check the fruits of whatever spirit is in your heart to see if you are headed in the correct direction by God’s will. If you’ve become a Christian and yet still feel that all of the good works that you do are amounting to nothing or that they are not enough and you must do more, you need to check your heart! Look at Colossians chapter 3 verse 17:

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

If you are doing works for any other reason you will have a tough time living a holy life here on earth (Colossians 3:12-16). Remember, God is enough (Psalms 103 and I Timothy 6:6-12).

            This does not mean that you cannot serve others because you want to be compassionate and helpful to them. Indeed, it is after our hearts let Christ rule that our eyes will then be opened to see that from God’s love flows more love.

It’s okay to be imperfect. In fact, it gives us more room to grow, more room to trust in God. This is not to say that we should be more sinful. Look at Romans 5:16 when its says that "the gift of God is not like the result of the one man's sin: The judgement followed one sin and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification." We can grow in God, and when we have faith He can raise us up in our darkest times. So I will not live to strive to be perfect, but I will live to praise and love God and help to bring others through kindness to do the same. 

My Favorite Fruit is...

Hey:) First I want to thank you for actually clicking and viewing this page! Secondly, I hope that you enjoy what I write—and if not, that is, if your views are entirely the opposite, feel free to comment, I love discussions over this stuff:]

So. I was going through my reading of Romans (Today was Romans 10:1-21) when I came across this: "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." Romans 10:13. Immediately this reminded me of Matthew 7:21, which reads "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven." Now I know that the Bible never fully contradicts itself, but it seems here that it does when it speaks of people calling on the name of the Lord to be saved. What is interesting here is that, although it seems that the Bible is stating opposite points, it is actually discussing the same exact topic with the same side (For God never changes—Malachi 3:6 and 2 Timothy 2:13).

First lets look at Matthew 7:21, or rather Matthew 7:15-23:

True and False Prophets

    ¹⁵ “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. ¹⁶ By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? ¹⁷ Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. ¹⁸ A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. ¹⁹ Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. ²⁰ Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

True and False Disciples

    ²¹ “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. ²² Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ ²³ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’



The point being made here is that people who wish to follow Christ should beware of false prophets and should question if they are truly following the correct God. I advise every person who calls themselves “Christian” to do the same. Test and question what you believe to see if it is true—and I’ll get into that another time ;)

So, what is interesting is that Romans 10:13-17 builds off of the pervious passage. It reads:

¹³ for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

¹⁴ How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? ¹⁵ And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”

¹⁶ But not all the Israelites accepted the good news. For Isaiah says, “Lord, who has believed our message?” ¹⁷ Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.

I can see that a preacher would use this in his or her sermon to strongly encourage the continuing of what Christians are supposed to do; to go out and preach the good news (Mark 16:15). But at this time I will take a different approach.

Notice that in verse 16 it reads “But not all the Israelites accepted the good news.” So this shows that even if some people (even God’s chosen people as the Israelites were known for) hear the news, and even call upon the Lord (vs. 13), their hearts are still hardened and they do not ultimately believe. Continuing on, verse 17 includes my main argument when it says, “the message is heard through the word of Christ”. Taking this small piece and adding it to the known factor that other people out there are like “wolves in sheep’s clothing” it is important to conclude that what message that you are hearing, whether it claims to be about the actual Christ or not, is true or false. Now many here would refer to James 1:5, which reads that “if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him”. Although it is wise for man to ask God for help, we as humans must not open our hearts to any spirit that answers. We must be sure, then, that when we do receive an answer, that we can test its fruits accordingly (1 John 4:1-3) without finding hidden deceit. And furthermore, many who reply with James 1:5 take it out of context. James is writing to those who already believe (James verse 3 states “the testing of your faith”, which here has already been established) and who are lacking wisdom and perseverance, not in lacking the Gospel in its entirety as many use the verse for.

We must be sure that what Lord we are calling to is the correct one, after we have heard from whatever message is claiming to be true (the Bible is a good start), and that our hearts are fully committed to letting Him take control of our lives. Yes, everyone who calls on the correct name of the Lord will be saved, if only they “deny themselves” (Mark 8:34-35) and follow.
Oh. And I love fruit, especially pears:]